1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
