She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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