official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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