Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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