I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
