Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
