yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize