I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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