Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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