I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
