Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
