he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
