i don't like sucking hair
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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