I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
