I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
