After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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