I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
