so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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