that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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