Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
