I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
