There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
