Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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