guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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