shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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