So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
