i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
