Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
