Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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