It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
