The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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