this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
