if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
