she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
