handjob tips. give me some.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
