Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you will always have a special place in my vag
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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