there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
