My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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