At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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