Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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