i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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