hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
