At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
