we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
