just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
