apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
