Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
