Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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