i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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