he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
