I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't notice because vodka
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
