I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize