I will die if light touches me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
