he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
