Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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