You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize