dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
