whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
