I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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