Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
