I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Someone signed my nipple.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
