i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
