Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
