how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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