i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
