franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
