wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
