oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
