Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
